Y’all, I’m going to get real for a minute. Daily life has been a struggle for me the last few months. I’d blame it on fibromyalgia but I know it’s not that. I’ve never struggled quite like this with my fibro. I learned at a very early age (I was diagnosed at the age of 19) how to manage that and live a normal, active life with it. But man, since testing positive in October of last year, life has been a struggle!
If you follow me on social media (and if you’re reading this, chances are real good you do), I’m willing to bet it looks like I’ve got all my strength and energy back. It looks like my life is back to normal. Let me tell you, it’s not.
I took a step back from my “normal” job to focus on my health. And I’ve been doing that. I’ve been moving my body, even on days I don’t want to and working on getting my nutrition back. But let me tell you, those things are hard! Moving through my workouts is a struggle more often than not. My body just doesn’t want to move. I drag and I move slow. Nutrition isn’t horrible but could definitely use some help in the veggie department. Thank you loss of taste. And then the brain fog and concentration issues. Ugh!
But I keep going. Giving up on my health is not an option.
You’ve probably also noticed I’m moving forward with my fitness and nutrition classes and working on getting my business up and running. Again, I refuse to give up. Giving up is not in my genes.
So I push. And push. And push. My body frequently tells me I need to slow down. And I try. But I also know there’s a fine line between rest and laziness. Finding that line is not always an easy one for me. I tend to overdo it before my body forces me to rest. But I’m trying. I’m trying to trust the flow of this new norm. I’m trying to trust my body to tell me what it needs most.
I am forever learning to trust the flow and trust the process. But let me be honest, as long as that flow and process is in a constant state of movement, I’m good (mentally). When it decides to slow down, or heaven forbid, take a break, I struggle.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
“You’re right. I have. And I have no intention of ever going back."
This was a very brief conversation I had with my ex-husband shortly before our marriage completely crumbled. He had been great at making excuses for why he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) be the man I met and married. He had changed, and not for the better, in our short 5 years of marriage.
He threw his comment “You know what? You’ve changed too.” back at me. I thought for a second. He wasn’t wrong. I had changed. I was still changing. I was on a very important journey and had no intention of slowing down or going back.
I had been introduced to a world of self-care, self-love, and self-discovery. My new world was surrounded by people who not only wanted the same for themselves, but cheered me on in my own journey.
I was loading myself up with daily personal-development, attending team calls with like-minded people, working out regularly, learning how to fuel my body with healthy foods, attending in-person events with tens to thousands of others on similar journeys, with a similar purpose and goal in mind. Why, oh why, would I stop? And go back to a me who constantly questioned herself, had no self-worth whatsoever, and no clue which way was up and which way was down? Absolutely never!
And why? Why would someone who claimed to love and want to protect me want me to?
Y’all, I had changed. He had changed. Neither of us was budging. I was told to leave our home and never come back. I did. With no car, no money to my name (he had taken our joint account $700 in the negative to be sure), no job, and no home to call my own. But I left with my life. I left with my sanity. I left with my head held high, knowing that I had absolutely made the right decision, even if it was a hard one and hurt.
That was 5 years ago. I’m still on my journey. I’ve had minor set backs here and there. But I’ve kept my promise to never go back. I’ve kept my promise to continually work on me. And I’ve had so many people on my side, cheering me on the whole time.
Y’all, know your worth. Refuse to settle or set your entire being aside for another. You can’t fill from an empty cup. And you are so, so important to this world.